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Contents
index
General Info.
what causes it?
Prozac myths
my story
depression is...
medications
therapy
the risk of suicide
sex and dep.
books
stigma and myths
poetry
famous people
depress. essay
article: "My Turn"
friends/family
exercises for nondeps
about the author
depression links
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Black Days, Blue Nights
1999 Deridden Web

**What's it like to be depressed? --exercises for Nondepressives**

Warning: These could be painful.

**Exercise #1**
1) Write your signature.
2) Write your signature with your non-dominant hand. What's the difference between the feeling of the two actions? Think in terms of concious thinking, muscle memory, difficulty. What do you have to do that you didn't have to do before? What can't you rely on anymore?
3) Take some sturdy tape and tape the second and third fingers of your non-dominant hand together so they have very little freedom of movement (if any.) Sign your name again with that hand. How does it feel compared to step 2? What are the results like? How neat is your signature? How hard was it to keep the pen or pencil steady?
4) Now sign your name without looking at the paper. Don't look at it after you've finished. What do you think it will look like? Would you give a similar signature to someone at the bank? The passport office? On a job application? How did it feel to do it this time? Was it frustrating?
5) Now look at it. Is it better or worse than you expected? Is it legible? How do you feel about the job you did? Are you frustrated at the lack of control?
6) Don't untape your fingers yet. How does it feel to have them restricted?
7) Consider this metaphor. The signature is a simple social skill, one of the basics that it takes to function in everyday life. Nondepressives get to do it with their dominant hand, relying on habit and muscle memory: the emotional defenses that keep everyday things familiar and safe.

As you went through the steps of this exercise, you were slowly making your way down into the realm of the depressive. First, you had to write with your nondominant hand. You couldn't rely on those defenses. You had to work very hard to do something that would normally be simple. Next, you had to paralyze essential parts of the mechanisms that help you function. Finally, you had to perform this task without having a clear perception of what or how you were doing. No doubt you felt some frustration, anger, fright, and when you looked at it, disappointment. You would not want anyone to see the horrible job you've been doing. Even though you were certain it would come out badly anyhow.

That's what it's like for depressives to function in everyday life. The experience varies from person to person, but I hope these exercises give you a bit of an idea what it's like to suffer from this horrible and crippling illness.
another example:
**Exercise #2**
1) Check a clock. See what time it is. Write it down.
2) Think about the saddest moment in your life. Think about the worst sense of failure you've ever felt. Think about the time the world seemed cruelest, the time you most wanted to give up.
3) If these are separate times, fuse them all together. Make it so they all happened at once. Now relive them. Actually go through it again, down to the words and the actions. Imagine yourself there again. Feel the pain again. Don't let your defenses separate you from the pain. You are there. It's happening. You hurt.
4) Now let your defenses take over. Return to the here and now. Think about how it affected you. Could you do this exercise once a day? Could you go through that kind of pain each day?
5) Check the clock again. What time is it now?
6) Calculate how many times you'd have to do that exercise to feel that pain 24 hours a day. How does the thought of that make you feel?

1999 Deridden Web Operations